the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
