guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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