Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
