There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize