Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
