he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
