Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
