Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
