Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
