I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
