Pants 0. Shit 1.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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