my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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