Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
