I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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