You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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