i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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