My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
