on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
