I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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