well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
