Can i not drive my cunt home
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
