Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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