I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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