We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
