she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
