I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize