What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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