Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
