One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
