he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
