He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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