I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
