Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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