yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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