Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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