i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
