I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
