can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
