i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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