Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
