Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
