I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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