I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
