I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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