Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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