Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
