Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
