dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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