Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
