Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
