i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
