8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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