My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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