No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
