ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
