Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
