Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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