Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
