The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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