Can i not drive my cunt home
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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