i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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