I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Drake has all the answers
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
