Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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