You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Can you bring me the toilet please
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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