so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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