Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Two words: nipple clamps
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