just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
