It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
