i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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