How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize