**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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