hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
