1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
