Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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