My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
