My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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