# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
