dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
