I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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