Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
