Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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