i don't like sucking hair
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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