if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I have aggressive nipples.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
