is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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