How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
