I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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