I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
