i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
