i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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