the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
