I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
