guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
