I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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